Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
