He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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