Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
