Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
