I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
