We need to rekindle our bromance
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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