Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
