we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
