She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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