We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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