i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
