I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
