I feel great
I just peed on a car
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
