i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Sext me about skeletons
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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