we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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