if only i could text you this smell
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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