Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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