i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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