and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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