you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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