I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
