I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
