He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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