I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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