i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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