official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I AM VODKA MAN
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
