She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
