Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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