you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
