Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
