First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
