My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She's the barista slut.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
