If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
