Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
