So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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