conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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