I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
