But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
