He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
