All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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