ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
