my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
