Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Someone shattered a urinal.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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