you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
