I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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