I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
