i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
