i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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