my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
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