hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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