how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
