the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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